Well .. Two days ago, I get a wake up call from Soldier. Yeah, surprise surprise .. Our first phone call in who knows how long and it has to be with bad news. All he said to me at first was if Brigade has got into contact with me. I replied no, and said should I be expecting their call. He continued and said yes, I can't say much yet, but I am okay, but ... (Yes, when I heard the word "but" my heart did drop into my stomach) ... I was involved in a blast. Uhh, urrr .. Okay, a blast. What exactly does that mean. I didn't reply and he said I can't say any more. I will try and call back when I can. He said I love you then hung up the phone. My heart dropped, like what the fuck was going on here. I don't know how, but I fell asleep for about two more hours. No word from Brigade, but another wake up call from Soldier. Again, the first thing he asks is if I have heard from Brigade. I said no. He continues and says well .. I can tell you the basics on what happened. I am okay. He kept saying that over and over, which I am sure is for my own reassurance and which is what I needed. I said okay and he started telling me what happened.
Soldier and his platoon were on a patrol and a suicide bomber, not knowing exactly what he was at first, started walking up to them. They were about six feet away .. Yes, SIX FEET AWAY. When the bastard set himself off. My Soldier was the closest out of all of them and suffered the worst. He caught shrapnel and suffered a concussion. Once I heard the words suicide bomber, the tears were already flowing. Six feet away. That is .. Uhm .. Just a little too close for comfort for me. He made the comment to me, that luck was definitly on their sides today because that day could have easily become my worst nightmare. He said I could have easily been getting news at my front door rather than news from him personally. I knew what he meant. I cried more. I mean, I know he is okay. But .. That hits home. That hits reality. It's just too close. Knowing that if someone or luck wasn't on our side that day .. I could be planning a funeral right now.
I mean .. Of course it makes me so incredibly thankful. More than words could express. But it makes me think .. Why? Why us? I mean, why was luck on OUR side THAT day? Was it not our turn? Is there some other plan or route that our lives are supposed to take? Six feet away .. That is definitly luck, how could it not be? That is luck that nothing more sever happened. Am I making any sense? Am I just thinking stupid and overreacting? I hate to think this way because it didn't turn out that way, but I mean .. Can you blame me? You're telling me that these exact thoughts wouldn't be running through your mind?
*Sigh* I don't know. That whole day when I found out that news, I was in a blur. Just in a funk. It really makes you think. It really makes you realize how incredibly precious life is. It can easily be taken from you .. In just a split second. I could be sitting here writing something, god forbid, horrible and heartbreaking to you right now. But .. I am not. And I just have to keep telling myself that. I have to stay positive, not only for myself but for Soldier. He needs that more than anything right now. I just have to get back into my routine where denial takes over. When bad news like this hits, it definitly takes a few days .. Or weeks. Urg. But I am okay. Everything is fine. Soldier is fine. That is all that matters.
Soldier, of course, wants to get cleared and get back out there as soon as he can. Typical. And I support that. He needs to do what he loves, he loves what he does, and he feels useless otherwise unless he is out doing it. I support that. As long as he is happy, that is all I care about. We have a saying .. "Keep your promises." He replied today by, "I'm trying..." Which breaks my heart but I know that he is. He is doing all he can to keep those. I asked him via internet if he still felt confident in the fact that he is going to keep his promises to me. He said yes, Newman (one of his fellow brother in arms that was killed in action in October 2010), my Grandpa and your Grandpa are all looking over me, Sarah. I got terribly lucky the other day and I know it is because they were there. Urg, break my heart even more. I cried some more. But it is so true. He also made some sweet comments to me while we had that phone call. He said he is so incredibly sorry for all the fights we have had and that he loves me more than anything in this world .. Along with some other lovey-dovey comments.
Needless to say, I have never ever thought luck was on my side .. Up until two days ago. Never take anything for granted. Never think it couldn't happen to you, because life is crazy. Life is unpredictable. But we just have to continue living, not worrying about it and just making sure we live each day as if it is our last, tell everyone we truly care about how much we love them and cherish them, and just keep having faith and believing that everything will truly and honestly be okay. Stay positive. Without positive thoughts .. We could never get out of this world alive. Be thankful. Be appreciative. Next time you talk to your spouse or friend or family member, just tell them you love them. No matter if you are in a fight, never go a day without making sure they know how much they matter to you.
Until next time ...
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