Song of my day ...

I absolutely love this idea .. Music is what keeps me sane and keeps me going through not only each and every day but through this deployment. There is honestly a song for every mood, situation, or something to just make you get up and shake your booty.
I am linking up with Goodnight Moon for her first song link up. Her idea is to pick out a song that you're "feeling" lately and post it to your blog and then link up on her page!

I always have my Pandora on, whether it be just to listen to while watching tv or while doing homework. I like all sorts of music, but I am on a country kick right now. I mean, how can you not? Country is so patriotic and so meaningful. No matter the artist you can just feel their emotion as they sing their song. Gives me chills and I can relate to so many, my list is endless.

So with that said .. The song that I am "feeling" not only today, but for a while now is "Real" by James Wesley. I think it has an amazing meaning and something everyone should listen to and think about also. People need a reality check more than they realize. Even I do .. And with dealing with our second (and toughest) deployment, I have had several reality checks, slaps in the face, and buckets of cold water dumped on me. Life is precious, it can be taken from you in a blink of an eye .. It can change completely within minutes. Never take anything for granted, or anyone for that matter. Live each day as it's your last. Love like you will never love again. Laugh .. Each and every day. Smile. Cry when you want to or need to. No point in holding it in. Crying is beautiful and we need that release. Be thankful, it's not cocky. Know you're lucky for the life you are living .. And be proud for everything you, you're significant other, family, friends, dogs, cats, anyone .. Be proud of all that is done for this world to keep us living the way we get to. This is real ... This is life. It's not a fairytale storybook. It's a rollercoaster that nobody knows when they will get off.

Go .. Go now. Link up. Share your song. Share your feeling.

Until next time ...

Promise ...

A Soldier's Promise ...
I cannot promise you every night of my life. I cannot promise to be beside you for every difficult moment, every trial, every hardship. In truth, I can promise you that I will not be with you for most. I will leave you at inconvenient times. I may miss the births of our children. Any special date to us may be tainted with the anniversary of the death of one of my friends. I will ask you to take over whatever life we have built together for months and years at a time. And will then crash back into that life that you have used your sweat and your tears and your heartache to keep together and try to take it back as I knew it before. I will shut you out at times because it will be the best way for me to hold it together at that moment. I will lie to you. I will tell you I don't know things when I do. I will not always tell you where I am going, when I will be back, or who I am with. I may not call you for weeks and months and you will not be able to call me. You will ask questions that I won't answer. You will know answers to questions that you will hope you never need. I will share things with my brothers that you will never understand. They will know things about me that you never will. They will be a support to me in some things that you cannot be. I will miss birthdays. I will miss anniversaries. I will have to get to know our children over and over again. I may need time to process things that seem natural to everyone else. It will seem that someone - or something - will always take precedence over you. You may lose me long before you ever thought possible. I will uproot you and ask you to re-establish our family anywhere in the world, in any season, at any time - over and over again. Sand and mud will be tracked through your halls from the boots I am too tired to take off. I will leave you when you beg me not to. I will stand at attention while you cry beside me. I will not turn my head and I will walk away. I will knowingly break your heart. And I will do it again - and again.

I cannot promise you all of me. I cannot promise that to our children. I cannot promise you much of anything.

But if you will have me, I can promise that as I march away from you it is not without sharing your heartache. I promise you that every time I break your heart I will be breaking mine. Every time that I cannot answer you I will be protecting you. Whenever you want to call and you have no number to dial I will be wanting to do the same. I will protect everything that we have created together with every fiber of my being while you do the same back at home. I will honor you in everything - every moment that we are apart and every moment that I am with you. I will fight harder and push further knowing that I do so for you. I will see the faces of our children in every life that I protect. And I will carry you with me in everything until my sandy boots once again sit just inside our door. 

An Army Wife's promise ...

I cannot promise that I will not become frustrated when you leave me and the world seems to fall apart around me. I cannot promise that I will not curse those who sent you when the dryer breaks, and the transmission needs to be replaced, and the dog eats the couch all in the same week - most likely the week after you deploy. I cannot promise that the sand and mud that cakes my floor will not cause me to give you harsh looks and rude thoughts. I cannot promise that my heart will not be torn in twelve different ways when you march away from me. I cannot promise that I will not let my anger show when you refuse to answer questions. I cannot promise to understand why you share things with your comrades that you will not share with me. I cannot promise that there won't be times when my heartache makes its presence known before my pride can mask it. I cannot promise that I will not show my worry and my concern when it is best for you not to see it. I cannot promise to understand why you do so many of the things you do. 

But I can promise that for as many tears of sadness and frustration and anger that are shed there will be double that of tears of pride. I can promise you that for every time you are away from me, I will learn to cherish the times that you are with me. In everything I will honor you and honor your sacrifice. I can promise to teach our children to do the same. I will use every moment that you are not with them to show them the amazing man that you are through my actions and my pride. I can promise that there will never be a night where you are not the subject of my final prayer and the keeper of my dreams. I promise to try to be understanding that there are many things I will never understand. I promise to keep you with me in everything and to do my best to keep grace in this life. I will be strong for you as you are strong for me and I will carry you with me in every moment until your sandy boots again sit just inside our door.

Written and copywrited by:
To Love a Soldier

Military Monday Bloghop ...

Thought I would join and hope to get some fellow followers ...

Updates ...

Sooo let's see .. Other than the fact that I have just been completely and utterly drained this past week, for reasons I do not know .. Soldier surprised me with a mini-vacation to Colorado Springs, Colorado! One of mine (and his) really good friends PCS'd out there about two years ago and we have yet to see one another. Her husband deployed with Soldier for our previous deployment to Iraq. He is currently deployed also and has been lucky enough to run into Soldier once or twice during this deployment. It makes me so incredibly happy to know they have seen each other. I know they not only miss working with one another, but also miss seeing each other. We hope to do a couples getaway once the boys are back home safely to us.

So, yep! I am on my way to Colorado in about a week. I am so freaking excited that I cannot express it in words. It will be such a nice little getaway before our R&R is here. It is definitly something I have been needing and I know I am going to just have a complete blast spending time with her .. Oh, and did I mention she has an absolutely adorable doggy named Hankie that I cannot wait to meet and snuggle up with! I think I am more excited to see Hankie than her .. Tee-hee JUST KIDDING! ;)

You know I love and can't wait to see you!!

Like I stated in my previous blog, I have been sleeping out on my couch the past .. However long. Well one morning, after passing out on the couch with the boys, I woke up to find that two .. Just two, keys from my keyboard fell out? Or were eaten by the boys? (Probably Magooz) .. Needless to say, they are missing .. Vanished, gone, can't find them anywhere. The odd part about the two keys, is that the U and the I were missing. Hmm, I immediately thought .. Okay, who's trying to send me a sign. U and I .. They're missing. What are you trying to say? But they are fixed now. I ordered the keys online because supposedly my Best Buy two-year warranty does NOT cover missing keys. Pathetic. Isn't that the whole reason for having a warranty, to replace and fix things. Tsk, tsk Best Buy.

All is right in the world now because U and I are back together. No worries.

Soldier is doing well. Same old, same old. Keeping crazy busy and trying to make time go by as quickly as possible. We have been lucky to talk online, via facebook chat, the past couple of days. It is always so nice to see him pop online. That sense of reassurance is filled that he is okay for today. Safe and sound, just the way I like him. Oh, and need him to be .. R&R is soon!

Both my rings are broken .. Tear. It is completely devastating. I have a promise ring that Soldier gave me when we "officially" started dating three years ago and it has lasted three years and now it has a missing tooth (diamond). I am so sad. I have no clue where I lost it or even when I did lose it .. I just remember looking down one day while sitting on the couch and let out a huge gasp and realized his tooth was missing. Poor guy, I need to go find a jeweler that won't charge me an arm and a leg to give him another one. Grr. It breaks my heart to look down at it now, it's so incomplete.

Aaand, my wedding ring is breaking! Big tear for this one. This is one of my most treasured items. Soldier picked my ring out all on his own, he chose this specific design because he felt it fits me .. It fits who I am. And now it is breaking. The underwire, or whatever you call it, is breaking and now it scratches and rubs my finger. Just giving me a daily reminder that it is broken. Urg. Devastating. I am hoping to send it back with my in-laws when they come visit for R&R and have them take it to the jewelers to get it fixed. Sadly to say, I will be ringless for not sure how long. Ugh .. I hate not wearing my rings, especially when he is away. It's one of the things that makes him still feel close, that he is always with me each and every day.

*Tear, tear, tear*

It has been so gorgeous out lately. I am totally a snow queen and love, love, love the winter weather .. But this queen is ready for some sunny Springy weather. Not really the North Carolina humidity just yet, but some nice warm weather with a nice, slight breeze kind of day. You know what I mean? Work with me Mother Nature, after my vacation to Iceland .. A.K.A. Colorado, (PS: I am flying into 18 degree weather .. Awesome!!) I expect some amazing Spring weather. Oh, and specifically for our R&R time because Soldier and I are going to the beach .. Soooo, I need some great weather to work with when I show him my bikini bod. Help a girl out.

Other than a lazy Sunday and celebrating another week down .. There is not too much left to write about. I am sure I missed something, but hey .. That just means I get to write again. Nothing wrong with that. Hope ya'll are having  good weekend and for the fellow Military .. Hope the four-day weekend has been going by slow for you. Enjoy the time off, ya'll work too hard defending this country. Put your feet up and have a cold one on me. Okay? Goog deal.

Until next time ...

Too. Tired. To. Write ...

Wow. I have been absolutely exhausted lately. I am not sure what it is but this week has just completely drained me.

I will write a good long updated blog by the end of this weekend. Promise. You have my word. Which .. Is a big deal. I don't go back on my word. So, hold me to it.

I think the anticipation leading up to R&R time has just been sucking the life out of me. I am trying to stay on track with school and also trying to slide ahead so I can be (semi) worry free when R&R rolls around. *Sigh* .. Is it time yet? Oh, so soon. Make it happen. Tomorrow? Please.

I am off to bed though .. And by bed, I mean the couch. I have had this needing desire to sleep on the couch with my boys the past several days, no wait .. That's a lie, more like weeks going on months. I don't know what it is. I don't understand it. I have never had a problem sleeping in our bed and now .. Out of nowhere, it just hit me. I do not want to sleep in our bed. Not yet. Not until he's home. Dramatic? A bit? .. Eh, oh well. To each their own .. And my own is sleeping on the couch with my boys. It's just a phase. It will die down and eventually go away .. Or at least I am hoping. Grrrr.

Off to bed. Off to dream. Hoping it is good dreams tonight.

Until next time ...

Uno, Dos, Tres ...

Happy Anniversary to Soldier and meeeee.

Three years of being together.
Three years of washing his dirty, stinky uniform (which I actually miss doing .. boo-hoo), countless date nights, a million laughs, some tears along the way, and a love that has grown so strong and so pure that words could just never describe it.

Three years ago today .. He was home on his R&R for our first deployment. Three years ago! Where in the world has the time gone. It feels like just yesterday that he was surprising me at work on his R&R. Now we are well into our second deployment and anxiously awaiting our second R&R reunion. Crazy where the world takes you and how much you have changed and grown throughout the years.

These past three years have been the most amazing three years of my life. We had such a rollercoaster of a ride .. But have stuck by each other's sides through thick and thin, through the ups and downs, through the great times and the worst of times. No matter what obstacle has been put in our path, we have overcame it .. Together.

I was able to chat briefly with Soldier over facebook chat .. Hey, I will take whatever I can get. He was exhausted, as usual, but it was nice to swap some mushy-gushy words and say goodnight. My day was complete just by seeing him pop online. I don't need much. Just him. And seeing him pop online gives me that reassurance that we survived another day and he is safe and sound, as much as he can be.

Oohh, ooh! I opened my Valentine's Day present early. It arrived the other day and I was lucky enough to be be talking to Soldier via Skype. He gave me the a-okay to open it with him able to see. Here is what I got ...

I absolutely love it! I couldn't ask for anything better! He told me not to hang it up until he is home for R&R so we can pick out a place together in our house! It is a pretty good sized heart made out of complete steel. The three colors are my favorite colors and he had his friend hand-make it. His brother is an artist and has some pretty awesome ideas that are usually never seen, so his brother and him have rubbed off on me on the whole "unique" art and things like that. So I think this is incredibly awesome and such an amazing gift. He said, "I know it's not much." Uhhh, hello. I don't need much. This is one of the best gifts I have ever received. I can't stop looking at it! One of the things I really love about this, or just in any gift I receive, is that I always love being able to look back and think of the memory of when, where, and why I received this gift. Years from now, we will be able to look at this heart and remember that Soldier sent me this while fighting overseas in Afghanistan. Although we were not able to spend our anniversary or Valentine's Day together .. He still found a way to send a piece of him and his heart to me. Cheesy, I know. But I love it. And I love him. Very, very much. Can ya tell?

I miss you babe. Especially on our day. I cannot wait for our reunion and to continue making amazing memories and to see what our future holds for us. We have so much to look forward to, and none of it could happen without you by my side. You are my whole entire world. You're my best friend. My rock. My strength. You are what keep me going. I would be lost without you. Please, keep your promises and hurry home to me.

You have my heart. I'll always be .. Forever yours.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Happy Anniversary my love.
Three years down and a million more to conquer together.

"That's awesome" ...

Really .. So it's awesome that my Soldier was six feet away from his life being taken away from him.

It's awesome that he almost sacrificed his entire life for you .. An idiot who thinks that someone is happy about receiving the Purple Heart. Nice. Real nice.

My Soldier didn't even smile in any of his pictures, let alone want an entire ceremony to honor his battle scars. Yes, given the other awards he received were very honorable and don't get me wrong .. Both him and I are very honored for him to receive those. But when I am told that it is "awesome" and "cool" .. Sorry, I can't just sit and say nothing. Not my style.

I get it. You don't know what to say. Well, instead of congratulating him for his near-death experience .. Why don't you say thank you. Thank him for the freedom he is giving you each and every day. Simple as that. Two words.

The sad part about this rant, is that the person who did make this comment .. Has a husband serving right along side mine. She had the nerve to tell me "it's awesome." Yeah. Go fuck yourself. Let me know how you'd feel when you experienced that unexplainable emotion of knowing your husband's life was nearly taken within a blink of an eye. Yes, please tell me how you would react.

You need a good slap to the face.

Sorry my Soldier actually wants to do his job and go out and protect this country that he loves. Unlike yours who would rather sit and pout every day about how these deployments are "pointless." Please, get out of the fucking Army if you think your deployments are pointless. I'd rather someone who truly loved their job and country to have my Soldier's back rather than yours. Pathetic.

Urg. People. I swear. Think before you talk. It drives me insane. Absolutely insane.

Just saying. *Shakes head*

End of rant. Until next time ...

Super Bowl ...

Whoo-hoo .. Well the team I wanted won! Go Pack Go!

I usually never follow football, and if I do .. It is always Soldier's team, the Seattle Seahawks. But for some weird reason, no lie, every time since I was little if someone asked me who my favorite football team was .. I would say the Green Bay Packers. So, I don't follow them, I never watch football .. But hey my favorite team just won the Super Bowl! Niiiice.

Now where's my Super Bowl ring?

Soldier is good. Out and about. Back to his usual schedule. He had his awards ceremony a couple days ago. Out of three awards, one of them he received was the Purple Heart. Given the circumstances he had to go through in order to obtain that award is very heartbreaking, but I am beyond proud of my Soldier and know that he is incredibly honored to be receiving that. I am just so thankful he is alive, standing, breathing and that HE is the one to be awarded the Purple Heart. I believe when a Soldier is killed in action and awarded the Purple Heart posthumously, the wife or next of kin is awarded it. Definitly something I hope I never have to experience. Ugh.

Nothing too new to report. Keeping busy until R&R is here. Let's just say this week the lucky number is .. Six!

Until next time ...

Why .. Hello February ...

So nice of you to finally show up. Believe me, I am beyond glad to see you.

Now be good to me and go by quickly and be short like you are known to be good for and bring on March. Pretty please. That would be awesome.

Welp, another month down. Another month closer to our R&R and our homecoming. Woot-woot.

School has been kicking my ass lately. If I was the smart kid that I know I could be, I would have taken five classes last semester and only four this semester. Dur, Sarah. We have R&R this semester and you piled on classes. *Shakes head* Oh well. I will overcome. Like I always do. I think I am letting my school get to me because after this semester, I will need to decide what college I am finishing my Bachelor's at. Due to the lovely Army life, it will be hard to finish at a campus in North Carolina since we plan to PCS and move to different places when he is home from deployment. So I have been researching and researching online schools and ... I just give up. Well, not totally. Just for this week. I need a break and it is distracting me and making me stress over school more than I should be. Unnecessary.

On the brighter side, I am going paint shopping on Saturday and plan to start painting the insides of our house! Once I start, I will post progress. I am so excited. It is a little project for me to do before Soldier comes home on R&R. I can't wait to be done, although I haven't even started, but moreso for him to be home and to see it. He is going to be thrilled. And it will just make our little house look even more cute. Can't wait.

Hmm .. Let's see. Half-marathon training has been going very well. I feel great and this weekend I will be up to running six miles. Woot. Go Sarah. I love running. Feels amazing and you can just get lost in your music and let your worries go away for that time period. I get deep when I run. It's my escape from the real world. You need that every so often. Need a break from reality .. From your worries, your stress. Go to where your life is "perfect." Hmm .. Cheesy? A bit much. But eh. Working out in general is a nice stress-reliever and to get away and out of the house for a little bit. Although, I work out on post so technically I am still surrounded by Soldiers and reminded of my worries. Booo. I block it out.

Soldier is doing good. Going out, fighting, doing what he does. We have barely communicated. As usual. But he is making time pass and he just keeps saying how anxious he is for R&R. As am I, babe .. As am I. The boys miss you. They tell me every day. Oh .. Which reminds me, I have been sleeping out on the couch the past week ... Uhm, week and a half. Maybe. Yeah .. Don't know what it is. Don't want to go to bed. The boys sleep with me. Magooz on the couch with me and Sam-man on the recliner. I honestly don't think I will sleep in our bed until R&R. Sad. No pity party though for me. I actually like the couch. Ours is super comfortable. Minus the heat blanket from Magooz, I don't mind it at all.

Our anniversary (dating) is on February 13th. Three years. Awww. Then of course, the lovely Valentine's day. I might go out to dinner .. By myself. I have always wanted to do it. And what better day than to go out on our anniversary and Valentine's day. I already have it set in stone for our wedding anniversary that I am going out to a very nice restaurant .. By myself .. And celebrating our two year anniversary! I think it will be fun. Don't judge. I've always wanted to do it. I can't believe it has been three years since we made things "official." Crazy. Time truly flies when you look back on it. Going through it though, it just draaaags.

Uhm .. Well I might call it a night. I think I pretty much caught up on everything. If not then I'll write again. That's what blogs are for right? To write? Oh, that sounds confusing. Time for bed. Goodnight.

Until next time ...